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| for a good deal of our lives i think that the thing that really effects us the most are the relationships that we have. i don't necessarily mean romantic relationships, but those to effects us as people and how we act in future relationships. What i am more so stressing in this case are the friendship/everyday relationships that we hold all throughout our lives, from the friend you've known since birth to the guy you always see at the coffee shop cause you have a problem (and by you, i mean me).
this week in itself i knew was going to be a harder week. Last week was SO perfect, snow, 70 degree weather, family triumphs and graphics triumphs, so this week needed to be not so perfect to at least even it out. Now don't get me wrong this week has not been bad (2 tests and trying to get an interview yes, but really not all that bad), it has just been a larger case of the reality that life isn't full of perfection topped with a large dosage of nostalgia. This is where the whole relationships things enter in to reveal themselves. for me i found even the relationship with the city i grew up in has presented itself...weirdly through smell. Over the week i have smelled Texas smells, which i don't even know what that means or why these smells are so apparent after seven years, but the nostalgia of texas and it's smells have been present.
but beyond this, my friend relationship has been more apparent this week. Who do i hold important, who holds me in importance, and where does self and selflessness end and begin? imperfection will forever be my response and what i do or say... i speak without thinking and sometimes over think what i want to say. In the end, the moments i leave you with are all out of care, even if it is something you don't want to hear (beyond stupid stuff like "that shirt does not match"). Life won't go how you want it, and some of the friends you have or have had won't be there forever and for that you take from them what you can and learn from it. what i hope for myself and my own relationships is that i hope i give as much if not more than what i take and beyond that i hope that i always know when my actions are selfless or selfserving.
i just finished the second twilight book and while i feel like a 14 year old girl for reading it, i liked the relationship aspect of the book. the whole questions of what do you live for, who do you hold of greatest importance and how do your relationships effect you are all things considerable when delving into your own relationships (friends or romantic).
Now this is all observations made in the bath tub while i try and revive myself from my week of less than perfect moments, but sometimes a bath is all you need to remind you that you don't have to go it alone.
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| there are better moments in life, when everything is perfect and no one hurts and you are at your best doing all that you are to better yourself and those around you. then there are times when moments come and revisit you when it hits the hardest and you least expect it, the most important thing to remember at these times is that even though life has it's troubles and it's rough patches, these are merely moments that pass you by and make you stronger as they leave...they leave you more understanding...and more believing. john 16:33 says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In
this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the
world."
the point is is that moments that ruin you day or ruin the moment, shouldn't ruin your day. they are only moments...and the day is long and full of possibilities with many lives to touch.
miss you, hope you are in a better place.
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| i wonder about my place in college on days like this. i like college...sometimes. sometimes i feel like i want to study and work hard in class and live free in the dorms. but on days like this when i have just come back from a place where i have been physically working to improve a city and it's people, while being completely in love with the work i was doing to being the girl in the back of the class with a runny nose discussing the problems of other people....well it makes me think. i'm young and able and i feel that it's a little wasted in a seat...discussing . i know i need an education in today's society, but you know some days just feel better than others to pursue this. but i have only been through one class today...
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| i miss seeing everyone together, but when they come that means all of clemson leaves and i miss that too.
catch 22.
(this is the first time i have used that in an appropriate statement. i love it)
right now i am just typing to type. to let things loose and end the semester triumphantly to enjoy clemson as it is even with a roaming cougar. come on now, it's funny, you should laugh, there is a "cougar" on campus. they thought it was a panther to begin with and then the had some specialists come in and be like "come on folks, there are no panthers in this area." i also just want to add that i don't mind asking guys to dance as much as i thought. i mean hello gents, you should totally be the one to ask (!) but if you don't (which is generally the case for me and i sit alone watching...waiting....alone...lol) i don't mind asking you to dance. makes me feel a little empowered that i have enough guts to ask a guy, though if one said no i seriously think i might cry (so guys don't ever say no to a girl that asks you, it hurts their feelings). i am hoping that i get more involved in life then being content following the nook i created for myself. i do a lot of the same things, i have noticed (like eat only at certain places, sit at certain seats/tables....) and only because they are comfortable. as nice as comfortable is, that is all it is comfortable and never changing. i want to change when the time comes, i don't want to be so ground in my ways that i miss the change as it happens that i miss out on new people, new adventures and new loves. my pastor talked about this in church which is pretty much why i am writing this (cause i have been thinking about it) because to be honest i kind of am a creature of habbit. and some of these comforts are wonderful (aka friends, coffee, only shopping at 4 stores in haywood mall and the pizza in schilleter) but i don't want give up the chance to touch other people and try new things because i was too "comfortable" where i was. (and if that means staying 3 hours in bi-lo to watch a game, so be it). by the way i love everyone i know, you have all brought something new to me and my life :o)
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| let me describe to you this week...
grey and cold. and today it is misty, rainy and gray (that spelling is for those of you who prefere the gray to the grey). you know what this weather makes me want to do?? nothing
sleep. sleep and curl up in a warm blanket and move only to get food (or ya know go and hang around aimlessly). and while this would be ok if i had nothing to do, but on the contrary i had a lot to do. study for chem exam, do homework....
this weather kills me.
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